What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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