He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
