My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
