Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
