Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We left an ass print on the piano.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize