I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
