Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
