while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
