How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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