Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
do herpes really smell.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
