imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Randomize
