he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
