I just saw a hot homeless man
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize