You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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