Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
