Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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