so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
