I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
