tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
