please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
