I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
