if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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