im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Never underestimate the power of titties
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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