Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
