And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Randomize
