Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
