smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
