Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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