YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
