Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
