Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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