can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
