Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
