If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
