Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
