Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
