He is like the real live version of the state fair..
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
