She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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