People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
