if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
