don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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