i just wanna soil my oats bro
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
