i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
