I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
being pregnant is like rehab
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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