I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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