Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
