Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
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