i permit you to call me
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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