I got chris browned last night
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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