Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Of course I have a pirate flag
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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