my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
