Dual....:-)
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
