Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
