An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
