Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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