how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
