his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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