i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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