I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
