My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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