I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
