i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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