would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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