I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
