PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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