Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
