I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize