just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
