time to smoke my breakfast
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
