i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
