I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
