ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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