areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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