thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
