super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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