Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize