I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
